just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
