Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I AM VODKA MAN
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize