You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
