They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
