he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize