i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
