True but thats because hes a fetus.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
