I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
