My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You work out of a Hotel?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
