probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
