Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
did i just pee glitter
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
