He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
