I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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