I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
