wakey wakey hands off snakey
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
that is very illegal...i love you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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