My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
