So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
