in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize