i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
