shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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