a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
