Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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