He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize