Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
