my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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