I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
