goodnight i made you a song goodbye
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
