maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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