dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
