He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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