Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
