i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this must be what syphilis tastes like
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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