Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize