I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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