hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
