Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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