I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
