the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
