i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
