I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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