Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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