I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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