if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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