he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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