Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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