So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize