they need to just BURY HIM!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
