Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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