just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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