You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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