Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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