My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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