there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
