her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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