Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
