What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
