my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We are two peas in an std pod
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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