dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
