we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
