So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
