i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
