i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize