we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
