I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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